Odd quotations

"Twenty-three is old. It's almost 25, which is, like, almost mid-twenties." – Reportedly a statement by Jessica Simpson.

"I was thinking about dying the other day...the death thought came while I was sitting on the toilet peeing–that's where I have my most contemplative thoughts." – Reportedly a statement by Madonna.

"We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees." – Reportedly a statement by Jason Kidd, upon his being drafted to the Dallas Mavericks.

"That scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it." – Reportedly a statement by a congressional candidate in Texas.

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
– Reportedly a statement by Mariah Carey.

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever." – Reportedly the answer given by Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life." – Reportedly a statement by Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for a federal anti-smoking campaign.

"It's no exaggeration to say that the undecideds could go one way or another." – Reportedly a statement by George Bush.

"I hate dead people." – Reportedly a statement by Paris Hilton.

"So, where's the Cannes Film Festival being held this year?" – Reportedly a statement by Christina Aguilera.

"I think the film Clueless was very deep. I think it was deep in the way it was very light. I think lightness has to come from a very deep place if it's true lightness." – Reportedly a statement by Alicia Silverstone.

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country." – Reportedly a statement by Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.

"I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them. There were great numbers of people who needed new land, and the Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves." – Reportedly a statement by John Wayne.

"Half this game is ninety percent mental." – Reportedly a statement by then Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark.

"If you let that sort of thing go on, your bread and butter will be cut right out from under your feet." – Reportedly a statement by former British foreign minister, Ernest Bevin.

"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?" – Reportedly a statement by Lee Iacocca.

"I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the truth. I assisted in furthering that version." – Reportedly a statement by Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony.

"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." – A sports analyst.

"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people." – Reportedly a statement by Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." – Reportedly a statement by Bill Clinton.

"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur." – Reportedly a statement by Al Gore.

"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas." – Reportedly a statement by Keppel Enderbery.

"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix." – Reportedly a statement by Dan Quayle.

"The loss of life will be irreplaceable." – Reportedly a statement by Dan Quayle.

"I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have is that I didn't study my Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people." –  Reportedly a statement by Dan Quayle.

"Hawaii is a unique state. It is a small state. It is a state that is by itself. It is different from the other 49 states. Well, all states are different, but it's got a particularly unique situation." – Reportedly a statement by Dan Quayle.

"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances." – Reportedly a written communication by the Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina.

"We apologize for the error in last week's paper in which we stated that Mr. Arnold Dogbody was a defective in the police force. We meant, of course, that Mr. Dogbody is a detective in the police farce." – Reportedly a Correction Notice in the Ely Standard, a British newspaper.

"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record." – Reportedly a statement by Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman.

From the Economist newspaper.

From DemocracyMeansYou.com.

From the Economist newspaper.

George Bush's faith-based approach to the presidency.

"Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do."

Plastic toys are sailing the oceans blue.

Only disconnect.

The Hague.

If you want to search the web, there are many search engines to choose from.

"The best colleges strive to out-prank one another. Students at Yale scored a big victory during last year's [2004] football match against Harvard when they passed out pieces of paper to thousands of fans on the Harvard side of the stadium. The fans were told that, when held up, the bits would spell "Go Harvard". In fact they spelled something else."
The Economist, December 24, 2005.

Compiled, developed and maintained by Philip Smith